
He said:Forgiveness or at least what I perceive to be forgiveness is the ability to not only move forward but to “forget”, and to not require any punishment or restitution. I believe this forgiveness is impossible.
Being able to move forward with a “clean slate” after someone/something has hurt you is impossible (for me, and I believe for almost everyone). No child who is burnt by fire is as naïve or as “wide eyed” with fire, as he/she may have been before, ever again.
With this in mind then, I believe that prevention is better than cure. From a relationship standpoint, as long as doubts and fears are introduced, they never go away. Like I defined in the beginning, moving forward is one thing, but being able to have that whole “clean slate” feel, is impossible. It is human nature to dislike feeling pain (physically or emotionally), as a result of which we try to either avoid or reduce the amount of painful circumstances we face and experience.
I have seen it time and time again, where couples who have dealt with cheating, are never the same, couples dealing with lying, are never the same, etc. Once that seed of doubt is planted, it results in one party constantly fighting an uphill and no doubt fruitless battle to kill the negative perception of them self. Conversely, the other person is left wondering if they are in fact being duped again, or is this person for real.
It’s an unfortunate reality; our minds never forget. No matter how much love, respect, joy, or supposed bliss someone shares with another, once a doubt is exposed, insecurity is born, from which there is no return to “normal”.
Prevention is better than cure.
Real forgiveness may be a cure, but the common forgiveness (the moving forward, but not forgetting), like Advil, or Aspirin, only reduces and temporarily relieves the symptoms.
She said: Prevention is ideal, but I think forgiveness to cure a wrong should also be explored as a way to rebuild and restore a relationship or to move on from one.
To prevent a wrong from taking place is the best way to avoid any bumps in a relationship. However, I still think it’s possible, especially in the early stages in a relationship, to fall short of the expectations that your partner might have for you. We can work day and night to try to avoid this from happening; however each and every one of us is human and therefore are likely to sometimes fail the people we love.
I believe it’s necessary to make some mistakes though, hopefully those errors are fixable and both involved are able to move forward from them, learn a lesson, and have an even deeper connection with one another after dealing with the issues.
Unfortunately, there are several examples of things that we think are unforgivable, also known as “dealbreakers”. Each and every one of us have our own list of inexcusable acts and these things if committed against us are automatic ends. If that is the choice that one decides to make, that is their decision. After the fact, when the rebuilding stage is taking place, I think that one has to learn to forgive in order to move on and be blessed.
Real forgiveness is hard to accomplish, but with God’s help it can be achieved. Lewis B. Smede’s quote says it best, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
Do you agree with what He said or with what She said? Have your say on the Topic of the Week.
Dr3 & Sammy-Jo
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