He said:I really don’t agree with or believe in the idea of fate. It goes without saying then that I believe love and by extension loving someone is a choice. As much as I would like to say that love is like an out of this world experience that sweeps me up and carries me where nothing has ever done before, out of nowhere, I really can’t. Don’t get me wrong, being in a loving relationship is both fulfilling and rewarding and is really what I believe to be the most beautiful aspect of human life. But, it’s not a bug that bites you, it’s not the truck that hits you on the corner, and it’s not something that is destined for and out there for everyone.
Love cannot exist without many other factors; factors which we have to ultimately choose to undertake. The fact is, love; true love, cannot exist without sacrifice. Sacrifice is the perfect poster-boy for choice. Sacrificing by definition is a personal choice to do without something of personal value. How then could love be this awe-striking emotion, if we are in fact called upon to make these sacrifices? This and this alone is the reason why I believe love is not destined for everyone. As hard as it may be to accept, not everyone is willing to and capable of giving of themselves what they truly value. At some point the line between expendable personal ideals and valuable ones are diminished in a relationship, and then the true nature of love is exposed.
Love for me then, is being able to identify what is valuable to you, and choosing the proper hierarchy. Of course there are emotions that are involved and by no means should these be overlooked. You don’t choose who you like, who you are attracted to, and who you have “chemistry” with. But you do choose how far, how open, how real or how superfluous the relationships you form are. Being able to choose someone “flaws n all”, over a personal simple pleasure in life, no matter the circumstance is where for me the anomaly in the love-bug is exposed.
It’s hard to admit for me, but as selfless as love is, it is also very selfish. Nobody wants someone to treat them badly, period. Added to that if you ask people why they love someone, I can guarantee somewhere in that answer is “because of the way he/she makes me feels”. I say this because I want to show again somewhere along the line that the person we love has to match what we in fact want for ourselves, our choice. I’ve seen in movies and TV. shows and even in real life people who say they never thought they would be with someone like “this”. My answer to that is simply: they didn’t know consciously what they were looking for. But how can someone that you never thought you would fall for be exactly what you love? My mother once said to me “you don’t know what you want yet”. It perplexed me, as to how rude and cocky she could have been back then, but I get it now. People often say what they want, and falsely advertise what they are looking for, maybe to shield insecurities etc, but what’s for certain is that it takes a certain degree of experience to know what really is important, what is acceptable, what you need, and what you love.
I believe there are things that we need in our partner, and whether subconsciously or not we are truly looking for. When we find that, or what we consider to be the closest to it as possible, we make the changes we need to make in order to make it work. Love is the culmination of caring, appreciating, dedication to, liking, enjoying, and sacrificing for, another person. It is not without reward or effort.
She said: Am I the only woman that thinks love is CLEARLY a choice? Looks like Dr3 and I will agree this week! Fate is one of those words that remind me of glass slippers, singing crabs, and talking tea cups. Luckily, I’m not Belle or Cinderella and I’m surely not waiting on a happy ending or prince charming to come knocking on my door. I have a strong belief in choosing the life we want to live. Whether it’s miserable or full of joy, there is only one person to blame – yourself.
With that said, after choosing that you want to be loved than what is the next step? Can it be done without sacrifice? This seems to be the age-old question that lingers on without a clear or direct answer. My thoughts are very simple; you can only expect to get what you yourself are willing to give. I'm learning a thing or two from Steve Harvey that may change some things up for me. We'll just have to see about that!
Do you agree with what He said or with what She said? Have your say on the Topic of the Week.
Dr3 & Sammy-Jo
4 comments:
I totally agree with what both He and She said. I once lived a fairy-tale life waiting for that magical frog or my knight in shining armor but having suffered numerous heart-breaks throughout my life I've finally learned what i'm willing to sacrifice, ready to accept, and content to love.
I'm living life and loving it because of the choices i've made a year ago! ;-)
That's AWESOME Rachel! The sooner we realize that our life is totally in our hands, the sooner we can start loving and living life like you. :-D
Ok, I don't usually do this...but since it's you two I decided to try. Maybe one day I may even blog, but let me start out small by posting a comment.
Here goes...
I always believed love to be a choice. I am quite surprised to see there are actually others who share this point of view. Many of my close friends disagreed with me when I told them my opinion.
My theory was flawed, however, until recently. You see I believed the choice was in choosing who YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH…but that is not the case. Who you love can turn out to be someone you never expected. The choice is really two-fold – I believe you choose to be loved, and then you choose to stay in love.
For example…in a relationship as two people get closer, the stuff that never bothered them starts to show up and this is when the choice comes in. Not many of us in relationships are fortunate enough to experience constant bliss. After the initial infatuation wears off this is where the other aspects of love come into play – respect, tolerance (at times) and sacrifice. If you are not willing to give these in a relationship, it won’t last. Unlike infatuation, sacrifice and respect are not involuntary, extra effort is required.
So the question becomes have you found the one you are willing to give the extra effort for? In my opinion, when you find this person, and you choose to go the extra mile for them, you are really choosing to love.
Thanks for the comment Kat!
I couldn't agree with you more, the choice is definitely based on whether the other person is worth the effort. Like you said, once the novelty wears off (and it will!) there is real life, work, effort, and the most times dreaded word - sacrifice.
Those living in a fantasy world will have a rude awakening if they don't start making these conscious decisions and leave fate for the fairy-tales.
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